Compos Mentis

I think the closest explanation would be: Further Phenomenological Self-Explorations with a Genesis in Narcissism, but does that have the right ring?

Some time ago, I had lunch with another American visiting student. Our conversation turned to how England was different from America, and she pointed out that most people here seemed to be in relationships, at least as evidenced by the large number of couples walking around holding hands.
"Oh?" I said. "I hadn't noticed that."
"How can you not have noticed it?" she asked. "You've been here nearly two terms already."
We finished lunch, parted ways, and I started to walk back to my house. Along the way, I noticed that she was right. There were many, many couples walking around holding hands. Now, whenever I go out of the house, that's practically all I notice.

This incident has opened my eyes to a certain phenomenon. When I'm walking somewhere, I'm pretty much oblivious to what is going on around me. It's a usual occurrence for me to pass someone whom I know and not even realize until they say something once I'm already ten feet past them. This becomes even more problematic when I'm walking with someone, as I'll either ignore everything around me more in order to focus on the conversation, or I'll get distracted and forget the other person is there. The former leads to me running into light poles and the latter leads to people assuming that I'm deaf, stupid, or hateful.

There are times when I've been so focused on a book that I was reading or on something that I was writing that I failed to notice that I had been sitting in the same spot for hours and had forgotten to eat, go to class, move, etc. I've always had an easier time doing math problems in my head - once spending about half an hour going through a differential equation - and then writing them down then trying to work them out just with pencil and paper. This goes farther, too - I remember talking to someone about her first couple weeks in high school. After going on for some time about how she disliked a particular class, I said, "Well, at least you like the guy sitting next to you." She looked at me, torn I think between horror and confusion. She had mentioned this person only once. "What?" I asked. "Your jaw and the muscles under your eyes relaxed when you said his name. Plus you inhaled deeply right before you said that the guy next to you had given you one of the answers, so I assumed it was the same guy."

Incidentally, that's the only time I've told someone exactly what I notice when I'm talking to someone and the results were ambiguous. I mean, I got the gist of her shaking her head violently, making an excuse and walking away, but I can't be completely sure whether she was offended that I got it right or that I was trying to read her facial language at all. So as far as accuracy goes, I can't say whether I perceive anything more than most people. The point is that when I pay attention, I pay complete attention.

As my first example shows, however, being focused doesn't necessarily mean that I'm more perceptive or smarter than most people. Far too often, I miss things that are completely obvious to other people because I just tuned them out. In my tutorials I can often describe in great detail a certain passage that I found particularly interesting; but when my tutors asked me about the next section, I often immediately flounder. It also often means that I do not seem like I care about anything happening around me, which is probably not the case. However, it has come to my attention recently that I've hurt some people recently because I seemed callous, and in lieu of a priest, I hope to confess to you, my brothers and sisters. I made it my new-year's resolution to be less of a jerk this year and this is a good part of what I've come up with in fulfilling that quite vague dictum.

So, if I pass you on the street and don't notice, and want to get revenge on me, then the best solution is to shout out something opposing the book that I've just been reading. I should respond to that by snapping around to reality and saying something random and quite possibly archaic. I imagine it being quite comical.

posted by Emmett @ 07:51